Support for Carers

Anticipatory grief

You may find yourself grieving before a loss has happened — especially with progressive conditions or serious illness. You’re not “giving up”; your brain is preparing for change. Naming it often eases the weight.

• Waves of sadness or anger
• Guilt for wanting a break
• Feeling split between love and exhaustion

After loss

When caring ends, people often feel both devastation and relief. Both can be true. Identity wobbles are common if caring shaped your days. Gentle routines, connection, and small goals help you rebuild.

Burnout

Snappy, foggy, running on adrenaline? That’s your nervous system stuck on “keep going”. Tiny refuels matter: a proper sandwich, a 10-minute walk, two quiet minutes with a tea.

Micro-rests

Set a 2-minute timer. Shoulders down, slow your out-breath (in 4 — out 6). You’ve just signalled “safe” to your nervous system. Repeat often; it stacks.

Ask for help (script)

“Could you sit with Mum on Tuesday 2–4pm so I can do food shopping? I’ll leave her meds and the TV remote.” Specific + time-boxed requests get more yeses.

Rituals that anchor

One small thing, same time daily: watering a plant, a cuppa in the doorway, a single journal sentence. Routines calm busy brains.

One-page hub

Keep a single page with the essentials: diagnosis, meds (dose/time), allergies, NHS/CHI number, GP/consultant contacts, next appointment. Photograph it so it’s on your phone too.

Bring a buddy

Two pairs of ears help. Ask the clinician if you can record a summary on your phone. Agree “one key question” before you go.

Scripts for clarity

“What’s the one thing you want me to watch for this week?”
“If X happens, who do I call?”

Limits you can say out loud

“I can do evenings, but I can’t do nights.” · “I can manage meds; I can’t do heavy lifting.”

Family dynamics

Share roles with a simple rota. If someone can’t help in person, ask for admin tasks, calls, or funding a one-off cleaner.

Guilt vs capacity

Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing wrong. Check your actual capacity today, not your imagined one.

Carer’s assessment

Ask your local authority for a Carer’s (Adult Carer Support) Assessment. It looks at your needs and can unlock support or respite. Take a list of what’s hard on a typical week.

Benefits & grants

• Carer’s Allowance / Carer’s Allowance Supplement (eligibility applies)
• Young Carer Grant (Scotland)
• Local hardship/wellbeing funds or short breaks

Respite options

Short breaks, sitting services, day centres. Even a few hours can reset your body and mind — it’s maintenance, not luxury.

Young carers

School, caring, and growing up is a lot. You deserve support, friends, and time to be young. Young carer services can help with advocacy, clubs, and grants.

Dementia

Routine, visual cues, and calm tone go a long way. Try dementia-friendly gardening: raised planters, strong-scent herbs, safe paths, and clear labels.

End of life

Hospice teams focus on comfort — for the person and for you. It’s okay to ask: “What should I expect tonight?” · “Who do I call if X happens?”

Create a “bad day” plan

• Text a safe person: “It’s a heavy day. Can you check in at 7?”
• Non-negotiables: water, snack, fresh air for 3 minutes
• Lower the bar: today’s win = one task

Know the red flags

Not sleeping for days, thoughts of harming yourself, feeling you can’t keep someone safe — these are signals to get urgent support.

Quick grounding

5-4-3-2-1 senses, feet on floor, long exhale. You don’t need to “fix” everything right now; you just need this moment to pass.